Fingerpointing for Suckers

I am the last human on the planet who should be giving advice. But since I am the only human on the planet, see, it works out just dandy cuz I am also the best person on the planet to give advice. So here's my advice: keep your advice to yourself. Nobody is going to listen to it unless they already want to do it. You are just there to be the one to blame if it don't go so well. I know. Giving advice makes you feel all wise standing so high above things on your Molehill Olympus. Stop it unless you like being the patsy for everybody else's stupid behavior.

Unpronounceable website

So there's a website for the book now - unpronounceable.ink.  It's only one page, so don't expect much.

Moo Cards Arrived

Getting ready for WisCon, a girl needs a calling card. These are from moo.com, the only company that lets you have up to 50 different images on a single pack of cards. In this case, however, why mess with perfect? These are all the same, pink like the Blobs, and just as tacky. But this being America, tacky sells and you know you're curious about the alien sex thing. Not that I'm admitting anything here...

Hooray for Hollywood Redux

In response to the question of was I movin' to LA after the success of the movie: No.

California is no New Jersey. It don't even compare to Delaware where people at least know that beaches is for getting fat on Boardwalk fries, frozen custard, and taffy while acquiring a yearly sunburn.

Los Angeles is like twin cities with Washington DC, only with more plastic surgery. Everybody is too important to have anything to do with reality.

And Hollywood is the saddest place on earth, I guess cuz apparently you can't make movies without humiliating underlings, feeling up waitresses, and generally making sure nobody feels respected or secure in their job, relationships, or looks. This is where all the psychotic losers come to prove they are somebody among the beautiful people. Only duh they're actually all losers so deep down people constantly worry that secret loser cooties will rub off.

So no. I don't go to Hollywood, not even for the premiere of a movie about me.

Unpronounceable Ideas 101

At a reading of my book yesterday, spoken in a bad Jersey accent by my ghost writer alter-ego, Susan diRende, someone asked how come all the other diplomats failed. This was a young person at Olympic College, so can be excused for not yet understanding that being a diplomat is one of those cushy jobs given to the important-but-incompetent friends of the powerful. A few days out on the streets, diploma in hand, rattling an empty cup at assorted passers-by, human resource gatekeepers, and parental units with a finished basement, and this young person will come to realize that the game is rigged so that anybody with original thoughts or interesting ideas is kept as far away from power and influence as the system can manage.

Far be it for me to say there is no Truth Fairy, I will simply explain by way of an example. The businessman who was sent to Unpronounceable decided we needed to build a wall to keep Earth safe. Around a planet. He wasn't clear on how high it had to be, or what it would sit on. He simply promised, if you gave him the contract, he could get it done cheaper than the government. Nuff said.

Unpronounceable Readings and Signings

So the gal who wrote down my words so's they could be a book that you could read and be totally disgusted with how my life turned out compared to yours will be reading from said book at some bookstores and libraries in the Seattle area. Better her than me because this girl is not ever setting foot on planet Earth let alone that disaster of gloom and granola that is your Pacific Northwest. Still, for a cheap thrill you might want to go if you're in the area. The forecast is for rain, so a few laughs might help keep away that suicidal depression lurking just beyond the next low pressure front, dontcha know.

Here's the schedule:

• Wednesday, April 13 @ 10:30AM at the Olympic College Bookstore in Bremerton, WA
• Friday, April 15 @ 1PM at the Kitsap Regional Library also in Bremerton
• Tuesday, April 19 @7PM at Third Place Books in Ravenna, WA

 You could also buy a book while you're there, but don't expect me to sign. You can get the writer to sign her name, and that will have to do. Like I said, Earth and me, we're no longer on speaking terms.

Assisted Loving

So my friend Debra has a book now, too. Try not to act so surprised I have a friend. And yes, she's female, which normally would disqualify her from the possibility of my liking her. But see, she is not normal. Like the Blobs, she don't pay too much attention to what gender is supposed to do what. She just does, suffers the consequences, and moves on without learning more from her mistakes than your average artist, which is to say nothing at all.

Her book, Assisted Loving, is about her geezer dad who she took care of because your geezers need looking after seeing as how they no longer have the attention span to drive or handle power tools but, being men, think that refusing to acknowledge their failing faculties will magically restore them to full vigor. It's an ebook, so you can read it whether you're on Earth or on Unpronounceable. Go check it out. Buy it. You got nothing better to do with your money, so make an artist's day.