Saturday, September 16, 2017

How Your Men Running the World Has Held Civilization Back for Too Long

Jersey gal Indrani Das, winner of 2017 Junior Nobel

Your mostly clueless Americans make fun of us gals from New Jersey but smarts is never dumb.  Plus we got the moxie to do whatever we decide to do no matter what the smartypants looking down the nose at us thinks. This is why I don't get all the crybabying about elites. They can have every low opinion of yours truly their multiple graduate degrees can cook up, I do not care about that no more than I care about the squirrel yammering at me from a tree because I got between him and his nuts.

Anyway if you are all proud of your civilization like it's the best thing since sliced bread, take one look at the garbage dump that has been made of the planet and you understand that civilization was created by teenage boys whose mothers always did the laundry washed the dishes made the beds and threw away the old pizza boxes for them. Think how much further along your civilization would be if girls had been educated right along side the boys for the last 3000 years instead of the last 50.

Tuesday, April 18, 2017

WINNER! Unpronounceable Receives Philip K. Dick Award Special Citation for Excellence

I would brag if I cared what other people think of me. Okay, so I'm bragging. The story of yours truly, how I came to another planet and turned it into the perfect world for you-know-who, making sure the rest of humanity has to stay far away if I say so. Sure, you want to come here. Well you can't. Not unless you have lots of cash and then only for a short vacation.

Wednesday, March 1, 2017

Nice Is Overrated

We won so no more of your  libtard, snowflake, nanny state rules. 
Civilization was not built by nice people. The problem is civilization gets so comfy after it settles in that people can afford to be nice for no good reason. Soon they don't know how to fight anymore when somebody don't play fair (unless they grew up someplace like New Jersey where "nice" is a dirty word). This is why civilizations have also been destroyed by not nice people, and the nice people can't figure out how to save it. Or themselves.

Sadly, your low-lifes are the only ones left in the otherwise civilized world who really know what to do when a conniving mobster suddenly rises to being a serious contender for conquest. They of course get a bank account in Cypress and start offering to do the laundry, only with money instead of underwear, for the goons who are snacking on the gummy bear goodies that civilization produces.

Civilization should have an emergency cutoff for nice like hospitals do for oxygen. Mostly humans need it but too much makes you breathe so easy you figure you can have a cigarette with no consequences. Your lungs might be able to handle the smoke, but not the explosion and fireball caused by you thinking a tiny match is no danger. Ka-boom.

That is your first-world countries today. They are dodos heading for extinction because they don't want anybody to talk to them about the science of oxygen rich air. They have a right to a cigarette if they want. No nanny state! And so some idiot, or a whole buncha idiots on elections day light a match and taste the sweet nicotine high of self-indulgent righteousness. And when the fireball comes? They'll say it was somebody else's fault for not telling them.

Saturday, January 21, 2017

Finalist in 2017 Dick Awards (as in Philip K. - get your mind outta the gutter)

That's me on the far right. Go buy the book to see what the fuss is all about. Heck, buy them all. Just buy mine first.
Oh, so now that I'm far away on another planet, people start being nice to me. Spend money buying my book. Nominate it for awards. Lure me into thinking I might actually win by making it a finalist. I suppose I should say thanks for the nomination, not that you have the taste to actually hand over the award to a girl with a mouth classified as a weapon of mass destruction.

I suppose I should say the nomination is honor enough for me. That would be classy. Fortunately, that was another quality my DNA is allergic to.

If you want to see who else is up for the Philip K. Dick Award, check it out here. The prizes get handed out in April at Norwescon in Seattle. I'm not gonna hold my breath about winning, and certainly not leaving this unpronounceable paradise for the swamp that is the US of A at the present time.

At least this prize, the Philip K. Dick Award, has a name that a girl would enjoy being able to brag about: I'm this year's Dick winner.

Saturday, January 7, 2017

Never Truth

“Politics is never about the truth. Who would vote for it? Elections is all about pandering to your tiresome, your put-upon by, and your overweight pretending that their poundage is not at all their fault. To do that, they cannot let a smidgen of truth infect their pure, unadulterated mendacity. No, no. The minute truth gets a toe-hold, soon all sorts of reality-based responsibility creeps in and your creeps won’t be able to keep the delusion going that they are the good guys. The problem with the rest of you is that you’re not miserable enough to need a morally bankrupt liar to hide the ugly reality of your hopeless condition from you. Yet.”

Sunday, January 1, 2017

Resolutions for the 2017 New Year That You Don't Have to Keep

It's the New Year on Planet Earth, which from space you can tell by that little drunken wobble as the parade of midnights travels from east to west.

Typically, this is when even life's winners feel like they have to improve on their perfections by making resolutions that they will not be able to keep for more than a week and thus be faced, however briefly, with the depressing fact that they are no better than anybody else and possibly much much worse. Therefore, in the spirit of interplanetary goodwill, which I am only able to feel for you because of humanity living light years away from my corner of the heavens, I will provide you with a set of resolutions that will be good for you whether you keep them or break them. I got one for body, heart, and mind.

Resolved: not to eat until I explode.

The win-win: No matter how much you eat, you aren't breaking your resolution unless you actually do manage to eat until you explode, in which case you will make it into all kinds of record books and scientific studies, guaranteeing the immortality of fame to an otherwise nonentity.
 Resolved: perform one act of kindness for someone every day.

The win-win: If you do something nice for another person, you get to feel superior. If you don't do something nice for anybody else, think of how kind that is to yourself to not have to put yourself to the trouble of figuring out how to help somebody and then actually doing it. You are someone, so you count just as much as the rest of the losers.

Resolved: to read a book whenever I feel tired.

The win-win: Reading is something everybody agrees is virtuous, certainly more virtuous than napping, and it gives you an excuse to put your feet up and to ignore other people who try to talk to you. If you fail and fall asleep instead, well then you get your nap after all.